I have a girlfriend
This may come to a surprise to many of my friends and family, actually, I know it will. Till a few months ago, I was just Katy, a girl who liked boys.
I had only ever had boyfriends and had a few serious relationships in the past. If this news shocked you, it shocked me just as much. Before I met my girlfriend, there was not a single girl that I was ever attracted to. To be honest I never even thought about it. I would see girls on the street and think “oh wow they’re pretty, I love their hair, their clothes, their shoes.” But it would only ever be me thinking, “ouu I would look good in that top”. This all changed one night when we were out and I stopped and watched her dancing. She was so full of life, energy and had the most beautiful smile on her face. And just thought in my mind “this girl is so beautiful”. My first instinct was that I wanted to go dance with her, and it was more than just wanting to dance if you know what I mean. It was such a natural progression. That night, we started to dance together, and then became closer and closer until I thought: “I want to kiss her”.
So I did.
Then what happened after that honestly scared me a little bit. First of all, we worked together, and I was her manager. So I thought I definitely shouldn’t get involved. I also just had so many feelings and thoughts about why I kissed her that night. Why was I attracted to a girl? Why did she make me feel so nervous, but happy? How would it be with a girl, sexually and emotionally? I was confused. I was shocked. I was scared. But it all felt so natural. I told her many times “I don’t want to lead you on, I don’t know how I am feeling, I’ve never done this before”. But a little voice in my head just told me “go for it Katy”
So I did.
And I haven’t looked back. That was the start of something I will never regret. So yes. I have a girlfriend. And yes, I am a girl. Yes, I have never liked girls before. Yes, this might be a shock. But yes, I am happy.
Once we started to be together more, and she became my official girlfriend, I knew I had to tell my friends. At this time, I was living far from home in France, but I am a horrible secret keeper, and I just honestly hate not being honest with literally every person I meet. I will tell my life story to anyone. Haha! I was so scared to message my friends, and I don’t know why I was so nervous. What’s so different about having a girlfriend, I’d had boyfriends before, and I was never scared to tell my friends about them. I hate to say this but, I was worried that I would be judged. And the craziest thing is that I’d never had to deal with this feeling ever in my life before. Judgement. I was that pretty, white, privileged girl from a good family, had good grades and went to university and worked hard. And suddenly I was overcome by this fear of having to tell my friends, who have known me as straight, that I had a girlfriend. In my mind, I was excited and happy and I didn’t feel at all like I was doing anything unnatural. But as soon as I realized I had to tell my friends back home, I was petrified. I was overthinking everything. I was living in this little bubble in the French Alpes where no one really knew me before, so I could be any person I really wanted to be. My life back home was a different reality. I decided to tell my twin sister first. I worked up the courage to send her the message. The message that I had worried about for weeks.
And I did it.
And you know what her reaction was?
She was so happy for me that I found a partner who was good to me, and we mutually loved each other. She didn’t say a single negative thing. And this became the reaction from every subsequent friend I told. Everyone was happy for me, accepting and was happy as long as I was happy. It was such a relief to feel so accepted for just being me.
Love is love. Don’t ever hide who you are. Be proud of yourself, no matter how small the accomplishment.